We mean well.
We offer advice.
We intervene.
We fix.

But sometimes, “help” becomes harm.
And fixing becomes a form of control.

Let’s spiral into the ethics of not fixing, where care is reimagined as consent, humility, and emotional atonement.

The Fixer Myth says:

• Help is always helpful
• Action is better than presence
• Solutions equal care
• Silence is neglect
• Witnessing is passive

But as The Cult of Brighter Days reminds us, unsolicited fixing often feels like:

• Judgment: “You’re broken, and I know better”
• Hijacking: “Let me take over your healing”
• Performance: “I need to be the hero”
• Erasure: “Your pain makes me uncomfortable, let me erase it”
• Boundary violation: “I didn’t ask if you wanted help, I assumed”

Choosing not to fix can be:

• Consent-based: “Do you want support, or just space?”
• Trauma-informed: “I won’t rush your process”
• Emotionally literate: “I can sit with discomfort”
• Culturally attuned: “Your way of healing may differ from mine”
• Systemically aware: “Some harm is structural, not yours to solve alone”

Ethical care asks:
Whose needs are being met by this fix?
And who gets to define what healing looks like?

Try these to honour autonomy and presence:

Ask before offering: “Would you like ideas, or just someone to listen?”
Use invitational language: “Here’s something that helped me, take or leave”
Validate without solving: “That sounds really hard, I believe you”
Design emotional exits: “You can pause, leave, or return anytime”
Model humility: “I don’t have answers, but I’m here”
Respect silence: “You don’t have to explain or perform”
Offer choice: “Would you like to talk, walk, or just sit together?”
Avoid diagnosis: “You’re not a case, you’re a person”
Hold complexity: “You can feel relief and grief at the same time”
Stay curious: “What does support look like for you right now?”

Witnessing is not passive.
It’s a form of emotional labour.

It means:

• Staying present without fixing
• Validating without erasing
• Holding space without an agenda
• Trusting the other’s capacity to navigate their own path

As the TikTok reflection notes, ethical care means not hijacking someone’s healing.
It means resisting the urge to be the Diagnoser-in-Chief.

Ethical design asks:

• Who gets to define what “better” means?
• Whose pain is pathologised, and whose is normalised?
• What structures allow for presence, not performance?

This shows up in:

• Mental health: Peer support, trauma-informed listening, non-pathologizing language
• Education: Nonlinear learning, emotional scaffolding, choice-based participation
• Healthcare: Palliative care, consent-based interventions, dignity-first models
• Community spaces: Circles, altars, storytelling zones, silence
• Digital platforms: “Pause,” “return,” “no fix required” features
• Policy: Autonomy-respecting frameworks, harm reduction, grief literacy

Not fixing doesn’t mean not caring.
It means caring without control.

So next time you feel the urge to fix,
Pause.
Ask.
Listen.

Because ethical care isn’t about being the hero.
It’s about being human.
And sometimes, the most radical thing we can do,
Is to stay.

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• Browse Spiralmore collections
• Read our Informal Blog for relaxed insights
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